THE MAG MENTAL HEALTH SPECIAL - EDITION ONE

 


                                 

Introduction


Welcome to our special edition totally dedicated to the subject of mental health. This is being published in the lead up to world mental health day on Saturday October 10. There will be ten new stories added to this edition on that special day. That will include stories about the Premier League, WWE, NeuroHub and more. Then at the start of November another edition will be published on this important subject.

This really is something that deserves entire editions written about. If I was to dedicate this to all those who have had some form of mental health problem at some point in their life, I doubt anyone would be left out.

Mental health is something that I have had many a battle with during my life. Of course, I never knew until this year about my autism. ADHD and dyspraxia. There's probably a bit of OCD in there somewhere too.

This has been an emotional subject to write about and not just because of my own personal struggles. I take my hat off to those who work in the mental health industry, they do such brilliant work.

When I started THE MAG in late June, I wanted to make it a community blog and not all about me. I am so delighted at the fact that I now have over 20 people writing for me, ranging from doctors to psychologists to group leaders and several authors.  I am beyond proud of that fact. Thanks to everyone for their help in helping THE MAG grow during the past few months. Any publication in this country would be proud to have the writing staff I have for this issue.

I sincerely hope that this and the other mental health issues inform and help you. I've tried to include some articles that I hope are inspiring. Time to blow my own trumpet which is not something I tend to do.

If you want an inspiring story, just look at what has happened to me this year.  In April, I sat for five-and-a-half hours in a chair on a mental health observation ward. My head was all over the place and I was also still using a walking stick after my heart attack last year. Somehow I sorted myself out (not entirely, that'll probably never happen) and six months later I edit what I believe is one of the best online blogs about neurodiversity in the country and publishing a mental health edition.  If I can dig myself out of the hole I was in, then anyone can! 

Mental health can cause us so many problems and so much despair, but it is something we can battle.  One of the messages of these editions will be don't suffer in silence. Please, if you are having mental health problems, speak to someone and seek help.  The Samaritans are there 24/7 to help you.

As you will read in one of my articles, that is not something I did for a very long time and I nearly paid the price for keeping quiet. If you would like to write something for the next mental health edition, please email me at mageditoruk@gmail.com.  Get continual updates on the neurodivergent scene and news about future editions on our Facebook group. 

THE MAG ARCHIVE


Contents


  • Ten on the Tenth - Ten articles published on World Mental Health Day
  • How can Masking Affect Members of the Neurodivergent Community? By Ava McAuley 
  • Stigma and Mental Health by Steve Ashfield
  • Mental Wealth Show
  • Tes SEND Show
  • Examining Anxiety by Claire McNulty
  • Coping with OCD by Dean Beadle
  • Why Seeking Help is so Important by Carl Evans
  • Just Speak to Someone Please by Steve Ashfield
  • Reflections from a Therapist. I Thought I was Trusting my Therapist.  I was Actually Just Telling Her Everything by Charlotte Pacelli
  • B!tch on the Mic - Jess Nicks at the Brunswick
  • Hail to the Zine Baby's Guide to Good Brain Vibes and Silly Fun Times!
  • Anxiety and the Overwhelmed Brain by Chloe Jones
  • How ADHD Makes My Work So Difficult by Steve Ashfield
  • What School Avoidance Week Showed Us by Chrissa Wadlow from Sunshine Support
  • Returning to School When Attendance Feels Impossible - How adults can best support emotionally based school avoidance by Emma Lacey
  • Autism and Suicide - Why Silence Must Never be Mistaken for Safety by Meyrem Coban Cetinkay
  • Andy Man's Club
  • Brighton Cuddles
  • Understanding Dyspraxia: The Neurodivergence We Don't Talk About Enough by Caroline Langford from Neurodivergent Sussex
  • Living with Dyspraxia by Steve Ashfield
  • Wiring, not Wound by Benna McCartney
  • Mental Health Fitness Plan- Gentle Journal Companion by Emma Disney
  • Your Own Worst Enemy by Steve Ashfield
  • S&L Self Harm Distraction Kits by Sally Panks
  • You Alright Mate?
  • Finding Community at the Intersection of LGBTQ+ Identity and Neurodiversity by Peter Golder at MindOut
  • Quote....Unquote  - Sports stars comments on mental health
  • Looking After Our Energy in a Busy World by Nina Durtal from Calm Journey Therapy
  • Autistic Burnout - Understanding What It Is and Recovery by Jason Bennett and Reece Hawkins from Aspens
  • The Diagnosis Den - Choosing the right ADHD Asessment Provider for you by Lukas Dressler

Ten on the Tenth - Marking World Mental Health with Ten New Articles/links

1. What’s on your heart? by Mikayla Elias



It’s what I ask people when they come up to me at my typewriter, wanting a custom poem. People on the internet find it really sweet, but I say it for the benefit of this person waiting to be heard. When I ask, what’s on your heart?, what I’m asking for is the person to take a moment to search their soul. To find the words they need to share.

I'm Mikayla, and I'm a poet. I ask people for their vulnerability, for their frankness and connection. It's a lot to ask of a stranger, actually, but people instincually yearn for connection. Poetry is my way of faciliating that interaction. 

People share a prompt with me, and after a brief chat, I write a poem for them. It’s a somewhat fleeting moment – our conversation might take as little as 3 minutes. But for me (and I hope for them), it’s a moment where we get to experience the depths of humanity. 

So, what’s on your heart? When I ask, I often get a fun prompt, like a celebration of a birthday or feelings of gratitude towards a spectacular experience. Other times, they bring a rather heavy topic to the table. I’ve written towards fresh grief, cancer diagnoses and hopelessness. I feel the pressure on those moments, but as someone who has experienced a lot of emotional upheaval, I make a conscious effort to lean into those moments.

I started writing poetry in January 2020, as a challenge from my therapist. What started as journals took shape in short-form poetic pieces, and I started reading more of the genre. I could see what was possible with my own writing. When the first round of COVID lockdowns happened in March 2020, I became acutely aware of the necessity of continuing to write. I didn’t consider it a lockdown hobby – it was more of a lifejacket.

Poetry kept me alive through a mental health episode that I experienced in late 2021. I was having extreme fatigue from burnout in the music industry, trying (and feeling like I was failing) to make a sustainable creative career happen. There’s a huge toxic hustle culture in that industry that I succumbed to – basically, if you aren’t working insane hours and constantly thinking about music, a lot of people in the industry won’t take you seriously. I was literally taught in university that if you weren’t willing to sacrifice your life for the art, then you probably wouldn’t hack it. 

So when I tried and failed to keep up with that attitude, my entire sense of self was shattered. This, compounded with some complex and intense grief I was experiencing, pushed me to a breaking point. Long story short, I decided to check myself into an outpatient hospitalisation program in January 2022. 

It was incredibly hard. I was surrounded by reminders that I could get better, but still felt so hopeless. After a 10 day stay, I was released back into the world with some CBT skills I hadn’t previously had in my toolbox. I then enrolled in another 3 month evening program that built on those skills alongside other young professionals.




While in these programs, I realised something – I wanted to take writing seriously. I owed a lot of my sanity to poetry, and I felt like it was gifted to me as a way to stay alive. I self-published a collection of poetry from that period of my life at the end of 2022, titled bending toward the light, and decided I would start doing typewriter poetry to promote the book.

What I get out of typewriter poetry is the importance of human connection. I’ve cried with a lot of folks who I’ve written poems for. I’ve become friends with several of them. To me, writing provides a healing outlet – perhaps not one I’d call a therapeutic outlet, per se. I think of it more as the intimate effect of seeing one another or making a conscious effort to see outside of yourself.

Poetry helped me immensely. It has given me a new passion, a new sense of self and the ability to assert my own creative needs. As hard as it was, I don’t think I could have made the leap of faith to get my poetry into the world if I hadn’t gone through treatment. 

So my closing message is this – you can and will get better, alongside people who love you. Those people might come from unexpected places, and they may flit in and out of your life. You might meet them once and never see them again. But know this – you are loved and valued. You just have to look into yourself to find the person you want to be. Relentlessly pursue that person, even when it’s hard. But also, give yourself grace. You’ll get there in time. 

Her poetry book 'bending toward the light' is available on Amazon.  Also there's also a collboration zine  'Reanimation' that can be seen at this link.

Trigger Warning - The article below includes mentions of child sexual abuse.

2.  The King of the Flashbacks by Steve Ashfield


I’ve often had people accuse me of living in the past. It’s not just my hyperfixations with TV and radio shows from nearly a century ago that is the reason. I simply can’t go through a day without having flashbacks of my life. Sadly most of them are fairly upsetting.

I’m 65 and at the age when remembering what I did last week or even yesterday needs a bit of thought. However, I can fully remember incidents in my life that took place over half a century ago. 

One of those is so painful I’m going to have to speak to my mental health practitioner about it. I’m not going to go into details, suffice to say it’s about being sexually groomed at the age of 11. I can still see that room in my head and remember what happened.

 It is so painful, though I know it could have been worse and thankfully I did leave before even more distressing events occurred. That happened 54 years ago, but it might as well have been a few minutes ago. I guess it will never leave me.

Perhaps one of the scariest aspects of the flashbacks is ‘what if?’  I do look back at that incident and think to myself what would have happened if I hadn’t left. That’s not healthy as it adds layers to an already horrible situation.

It’s not just that incident that I have flashbacks too, there’s plenty more believe me. They can happen at any time of the day or night. Something on television, on the radio or the lyrics of a song can cause it and I’m immediately transported into an often painful past.

How can I mention Morecambe and Wise in this article?  Here goes. I still have problems when I see ambulances, especially if their noisy sirens are blaring away. My mind instantly goes back to the time I was rushed to hospital in 2025 after my heart attack.  The sirens can help me though. 

There’s a famous Morecambe and Wise sketch written by Eddie Braben. Morecambe is getting ready to go to bed and he hears sirens outside. “Won’t sell much ice-cream going that speed” is his brilliant response. That kind of helps me but the flashbacks are still there.

I just wish I could find a way of stopping these flashbacks. After all, I can’t change what happened can I?  I guess they are a part of me, though I don’t understand why I have no memory at all of the day I ended up sustaining a scar on my face or England winning the World Cup in 1966.  It’s just another difficult part of my life, one that can crop up at any time, but I just wish they’d go away because sometimes I just can’t cope with them.

3. Stream with Mind -  Here's a chance for streamers to help raise some money for mental health charity Mind. Just signing up will see you receive a free T-shirt that will look great when you're presenting your stream. Raise £250 and you will receive an exclusive 2026 Stream for Mind pin badge. If £1000 is raised, you will be given an exclusive 2026 Stream for Mind Trophy.  Register here.

4. Simon Pegg Reveals he has ADHD -  Simon Pegg is the latest celebrity to announce that he has ADHD. You can read more at this link and then listen to the 'I Have ADHD, No You Don't Podcast.

5. Just what is Therapeutic Sound Healing? Well it "offers a space for healing and transformation through the combined power of sound and psychotherapy."  It provides a "safe, supportive environment where individuals are invited to explore the profound effects of sound on the mind, body, and spirit."  If this is something that interests you, then go to this site which is run by MAG writer Emma Disney and Elizabeth Grace Peterken (aka Min).

6.  Everyone can be vulnerable to mental health problems. Prince Harry has been speaking about the depression he's faced during his life. Go to this link to read more.

7. Listen to this Radio 4 series on mental health - Storm and Stress: New Ways of Looking at Adolescent Mental Health. 

8 How Meditation Helped Former Wrestler Big E. Battle Depression

Yes I know, any excuse to mention wrestling in THE MAG. Big E is a former world wrestling champion, but his biggest battle has been against depression and suicidal feelings. Go to this YouTube video to see him talk about the struggles he's had since being a child and how meditation has helped him.

9. Autistic Mental Health: We Have Been Measuring the Wrong Thing by David Gray-Hammond from NeuroHub Community Ltd

 Photo: Owen Liddle



There are two questions available when an Autistic person is struggling. The first is asked constantly; what is wrong with this person? It locates the problem inside a bodymind, and produces diagnosis, correction and behaviour plans. Every service I have worked with is built to ask it, and most do not know they are asking a question at all, they think they are looking.

The second is asked rarely: what is wrong with the world around them? It locates the problem in an environment, and produces changed conditions and accountable institutions. The second question is not the kinder one, it is considerably harder, because it moves accountability from the person who is struggling onto services, schools, workplaces and policy, that is why it gets asked so seldom.

I have spent several years developing what we call the ecosystemic model of distress (With significant contribution by Tanya Adkin and Helen Edgar); Autistic distress is not a symptom of being Autistic, it is a response to environments that were not built for us, and if the causes are ecosystemic then individual treatment alone will always be insufficient.
Most people who encounter that model nod along to it, very few change anything, and I have come to think I know why.

The Half Of The Argument We Left Out

Writing a book about this with Helen Edgar over the past year, I found something I had been missing for a decade. The argument was never really about distress.

If distress is a property of the relationship between a person and their environment rather than of the person, then nothing in that reasoning is specific to distress. Every state arising in that relationship belongs to the relationship. Which means joy does too and once you say that out loud, something uncomfortable arises.

If joy is made between a person and their world, then the removal of joy is an environmental harm, and we should be able to name it as one. We are reasonably practised at arguing that Autistic distress is environmental; we are almost entirely unpractised at saying that Autistic joy is environmental too, and that an enormous amount of intervention has been organised around removing it.

Here is what I mean, and none of it is hypothetical. Autistic play is recorded as stereotypy; a child arranging objects by colour, or running a toy car along the same edge of a table for an hour, is doing something that appears in an assessment as repetitive behaviour and is targeted for reduction. The word "play" was available and was not used.

Stimming is extinguished as a behaviour target. Quiet hands, this is a practice with a literature and a billing code, and what it removes is the means by which a person regulates their sensory world.

Special interests are rationed as a reward. The thing that constitutes most of a monotropic person's attentional world is withheld and dispensed in timed increments contingent on compliance.

Masking is taught, and then billed as progress. A person is trained to suppress the expression through which they reach into the world, and the resulting reduction in visible difference is reported to the funder as an outcome.

They Are All The Same Intervention

Stimming, play, interest and unmasked expression are not behaviours that happen to be Autistic. They are the channels through which a person extends into their world and through which their world reaches back. They are the relationship.

So what those four interventions have in common is not that they target undesirable behaviours. It is that they target the relationship itself, and specifically the parts of it that were working.

Joy, I would suggest, is what a working relationship between a person and their environment feels like from the inside. That is a description rather than a finding, and I offer it as one, but it fits what people repor; the absorption in an interest, the relief of a stim, the quality of a conversation with someone whose world overlaps yours substantially.
If that is right, then joy is not a pleasant by-product of good support. It is the readout, it is the thing to measure, and its absence is the thing to investigate.

The Measurement Problem

Every outcome measure I have encountered in this field measures reduction; in challenging behaviour, in anxiety scores, in incidents, in service use, in crisis presentations.

A field that measures only reduction cannot detect the harm of removing joy, because removing joy reduces things. An intervention that produces a compliant, unstimming, uninterested, exhausted Autistic person scores well on every instrument we have. 

Rather than being a gap in the instruments; it is what they were built to find. That our measurement apparatus cannot distinguish a flourishing Autistic person from a subdued one is, I think, the central methodological scandal of the field.

It explains something that puzzles a lot of families. A programme reports excellent outcomes, the young person is quieter, more manageable, less disruptive. And they have gone out, somehow; the lights are lower. Both things are true, and only one is recorded.

There is a related point about restriction. We have a regulatory apparatus for the restriction of bodies; restraint, seclusion, forms to complete afterwards. We have essentially none for the restriction of a person's capacity to reach into their world. Removing someone's interest, their movement and their means of expression is a restriction in exactly that sense, differing mainly in duration, in visibility, and in whether anyone has to write it down.

What Follows

The hopeful version of this is that if joy is ecological, it can be built. Not given to people, not facilitated in an hour a week, but built into an environment; where a person's interest is welcome rather than rationed, where movement is unremarkable, where the sensory field can be tuned, where the pace is the person's own, and where nobody has to manufacture a false Self in order to be admitted.

This is no aspiration. It is a specification, and most of its components are free. So the thing I would ask of anyone reading this is small and specific. Name one thread in your own setting that you could change this week; not the person at the centre of it, the thread.

A form that asks what is wrong with the person, and could ask what is wrong around them. A room with a door people can leave through without explaining. A policy that counts absence as non-compliance, and could count it as information. An outcome measure that counts reduction, and could count whether anybody is enjoying anything.

This piece draws on "The Wider Existence", a forthcoming book co-authored with Helen Edgar. The ecosystemic model of distress was developed with Tanya Adkin & Helen Edgar.

10. A diagnosis is so important for those that receive it. Those writing articles in the press on Friday don't seem to realise that. Take a look at this page on the BBC website that covered the review of autism and ADHD diagnoses. It features the views of politicians, mental health charities and most importantly people who have been diagnosed often after a very long wait.  More about this in next week's MAG EXTRA.
 

How can Masking Affect Members of the Neurodivergent Community by Ava McAuley



Masking is something that many neurodivergent people learn to do in order to fit into a world that does not always understand or accommodate their differences. For some people, it can become a way of avoiding criticism, rejection or being misunderstood when past experiences have taught them that being themselves may not always be accepted. 

For me, masking has developed through experiences where I have felt that expressing my needs or showing how I was really feeling could have consequences. I have learnt that sometimes it can feel safer to change how I behave than risk being criticised for being myself.  

One of the biggest effects this has had on me is the feeling that I always have to think carefully about how I behave. There have been times when I have worried that speaking openly about my needs could put the support I depended on at risk. I became frightened of saying or doing the wrong thing, and this left me feeling as though I had to constantly monitor myself.

When someone feels that they cannot safely express what they need, they may begin to hide their distress rather than communicate it. For me, suppressing the stress I was experiencing did not make it disappear. Instead, I became less comfortable being open about how I was feeling, because I had learnt that not meeting other people's expectations could result in negative consequences.

I have also experienced situations where my distress was misunderstood and treated as though I was choosing to behave that way. Being told that I was doing something deliberately when I was actually distressed caused me shame. Experiences like this can affect how someone sees their own emotions and make them question whether it is safe to express themselves.

Masking can also happen socially. I remember being in a situation where other people seemed to be communicating naturally, while I was trying to work out how to join in. I watched how people interacted, listened to what they were saying and built a response in my head so that I would not stand out.

From the outside, someone might appear to be taking part in a conversation and coping well. What may not be visible is the amount of thought and effort that is going into making that happen.

This is why I think it is important to look beyond what we see on the surface. Someone who appears to be coping may actually be using a great deal of energy to hold everything together.

Constantly monitoring behaviour, suppressing natural responses and trying to work out what other people expect can become mentally exhausting. 

What happens to someone's mental health when they spend so much of their time monitoring, suppressing and changing themselves to meet other people's expectations? When this continues over a long period of time, it can affect emotional wellbeing and contribute to feelings of stress, shame, low self-esteem and being disconnected from your authentic self.

What might be the mental-health impact of feeling that you cannot safely show people how you are really feeling?

For some autistic people, the impact can become more serious. Research has found associations between autistic camouflaging and poorer mental-health outcomes. This does not mean that masking itself causes every mental-health difficulty, but it does show why the effects of prolonged masking should be taken seriously.

For me, masking is not simply about changing how I appear to other people. There can be a significant internal cost to constantly trying to appear as though I am coping, which can cause burnout.

I think we need to ask ourselves what we are seeing when someone appears to be managing well. Are they genuinely coping, or are they working extremely hard to make it look that way?

If someone has learnt that being themselves can lead to criticism, rejection or misunderstanding, it is understandable that they may learn to hide parts of themselves to feel accepted and safe.

Mental health is not only about what people show us. Sometimes the most important things are happening underneath the surface. Do you ever get scared to mention the words 'mental health' to someone? 

More about Ava McAuley

I'm Ava McAuley, an autistic speaker, trainer and writer. I'm an expert by experience delivering Oliver McGowan Training on Learning Disability and Autism. I author my own blog, where I share my journey and pair it with up-to-date research to amplify neurodivergent voices. I speak at conferences to improve policy,  practice, and the system. In 2026, I delivered a presentation on masking, Survival on the Surface, at the Autistic Mental Health Conference.  I also have the Autism-Lens online blog.

Trigger Warning - the article below does mention self-harm. If you are having a problem with this, please seek some help.

Stigma and Mental Health by Steve Ashfield


I may write a lot about this important subject, but it is still something that I only realy talk about in certain situations. Why? Well, sadly there is still a stigma attached to mental health and it just doesn't seem to want to go away.

Imagine that an accident has occurred and you have a broken left arm. When your friends and/or work colleagues see you with your arm in plaster, how will they react? There's some initial concern of course, but also perhaps some laughs about how the accident occurred. Then the rush to sign your cast will begin with some rather silly comments being written. 

Now imagine your arm is bandaged up because you have been self-harming. Will it be the same response from those who see you? 

The reaction you receive is not likely to be the same as with a broken arm or some other injury.  I even had a time when someone saw my bandages and made a joke about whether I'd been self-harming. Such a funny man....NOT!

Often when I've been in that situation, I have kept the cause of my injuries a secret. Then there were times when I just couldn't hide the truth and just had to tell someone what was happening. It wasn't attention seeking, I just needed to get it out of my system and explain to my friend what was going on.

How did they react?  I had a serious problem in 2016 as has been explained in my article about self-harming elsewhere in this edition, the reactions weren't good and I lost a lot of friends because of it. At the time of course I had no idea that I was autistic or had ADHD. 

Ignorance of the subject does play a part. People who don't self-harm struggle to get their head around what causes people to hurt themselves.  There were some people who were sympathetic towards me, but I felt it changed the nature of our friendship and I don't know them now.

As I have written in my article 'Just Talk to Someone Please'  talking to someone about your mental health is so important. I kept quiet during my teenage years because of the fear I'd end up in the same mental hospital that my older brother was in.  

Talking to other people about mental health is so difficult because you never know if stigma might rear their ugly head. You may well get a caring response even if they don't fully realise what is going on. However, you just don't know who is going to be helpful and who may be hostile. It's the same as coming out as LGBT, people don't have 'I'm a homophobe' written on their forehead. 

Somehow in the past few weeks I have become obsessed with watching episodes of Neighbours from 1993.  It's ok, the phase has now ended.  I'm watching 1994 episodes now!

There was no Jason or Kylie, but there was a good mental health story. Often the media doesn't treat mental health very well. How many killers are portrayed as committing their crimes just because they have a mental health problem or just the slightly strange behaving person who can become a figure of fun or be bullied.

This storyline features a pupil called Craig who has a nervous breakdown. Some are abusive towards him, especially his father who doesn't realise the part he has played in the problems his son is having. His mother is a bit more sympathetic but takes the wrong approach by getting the love of his life who recently turned him down to say she wants to go out with him. Others are sympathetic and the pupils try to set up a counselling service, much to the displeasure of the unsympathetic principal.

In one scene, another character is a bit off with him. A friend explains to him "I guess he just doesn't know what to say." In reply, Craig says: "A lot of people are like that with me. Like I've got the plague or something."  It may only be an Australian soap, but that really struck a chord with me.

You just never know how someone is going to react to your admission of mental health problems. I hope if you tell people then a positive response will be received. 

Mental Wealth Festival



This got underway yesterday and runs until October 10. It features a programme of talks, workshops and events exploring mental health, wellbeing and personal growth. The festival aims to provide practical tools, shared experiences and expert insights to help people improve their wellbeing and connect with 
others.

It's organised by City Lit and they told me the following: "City Lit is one of Europe's largest adult education colleges, based in central London. We support thousands of adult learners each year through courses in subjects ranging from arts and culture to languages, technology, health and wellbeing, and professional development. We're particularly committed to inclusive learning and supporting diverse communities, including neurodivergent learners."

Here’s a link to the programme: Mental Wealth Festival 2026 

On October 9 and 10, the  Tes SEND Show London returns to the Business Design Centre  bringing families, carers and professionals together from across the SEND and neurodivergent community.  There's the chance to explore free keynote sessions, the exhibition and Parent, Carer & Teacher Forum, plus CPD seminars covering neurodiversity, inclusion, emotional regulation, safeguarding and more. 


You can also discover practical ideas, specialist resources and valuable connections to support neurodivergent children and young people. There's a final chance to register at this link.

Examining Anxiety by Claire McNulty

Everybody seems to be talking about anxiety now. So, are we actually feeling more anxious than we used to, or do we simply understand it better and have more language for what we are experiencing?  It may well be a bit of both. 

We are certainly more aware of our mental health than we used to be. There are more discussions about our feelings and experiences, and more information readily available to us, which is surely a positive thing. 

But at the same time, modern life can create a lot of pressure. We are constantly connected and exposed to huge amounts of information, bad news and other people’s opinions. Social media gives us endless opportunities to compare ourselves with others, and for many people there is very little true switch-off time. Society seems to reward us for being ‘busy’.

Perhaps  it is not surprising that our internal alarm systems can sometimes feel overworked. But I also think we need to be careful not to make anxiety part of our identity. We often hear people say, “I have anxiety.”

There is nothing wrong with using that phrase, but anxiety is also something we feel. Just as we can feel sad, angry, excited, nervous or afraid, we can feel anxious. And feelings can change.

Anxiety is a normal human response. It can be the nerves before an important event, worry about something that might happen, or fear when we feel threatened or uncertain. Some people experience it much more often and intensely than others.

One way I often describe anxiety is to think of it like a smoke alarm. A smoke alarm has an important job. It is there to keep us safe. If there is a fire, we want it to make as much noise as possible so we notice the danger and take action. Our anxiety system works in much the same way.

When our brain senses a possible threat, it activates our survival response: fight, flight or freeze. Adrenaline is released, our heart may beat faster, our breathing can change and our muscles tense. Our body is preparing us to deal with danger.

The problem is that our internal smoke alarm can sometimes become too sensitive. A smoke alarm may go off because there is a house fire, but it can also go off because you have burnt the toast.

Anxiety can do the same. It can respond to genuine danger, but it can also react to uncertainty, memories, thoughts and imagined situations, even when we are physically safe.

Anxiety can show up in lots of different ways. Physical signs can include a racing heart, tight chest, butterflies, nausea, shaking, dizziness, sweating, muscle tension or shortness of breath.

Mentally, it can look like overthinking, constant worry, imagining worst-case scenarios, struggling to switch off or finding it difficult to concentrate.

Emotionally, it may feel like nerves, fear, dread, irritability or a sense that something bad is about to happen. And then there is what anxiety can make us want to do: avoid.

We might cancel plans, put something off, avoid certain places, seek reassurance or stay away from situations that make us uncomfortable.

Avoidance often works in the short term because our anxiety drops and we feel relieved. But our brain can interpret that relief as, “That was dangerous. It is a good job we escaped.” So, the next time we face the same situation, the anxiety can become even stronger.

Avoidance can make anxiety grow.

There is rarely one single reason why someone feels more anxious. Stress, poor sleep, illness, hormones, grief, neurodivergence, difficult past experiences, relationships, work pressure, uncertainty and big life changes can all play a part. Sometimes we have simply been under pressure for too long. 

The aim is not to get rid of anxiety completely. We need it to help keep us safe. We all experience nerves, worry and fear. The aim is to stop anxiety from making our decisions for us. One helpful approach is to acknowledge, accept and allow. Acknowledge what is happening: “I am feeling anxious.”

Accept that this is how you feel right now, without judging yourself or desperately trying to make it disappear: “It’s okay to feel this way.” Then allow it.

Allow the sensations to come and go without treating them as proof that something terrible is happening.

Slow breathing, grounding yourself in the present moment, movement, rest, sleep and talking to someone you trust are some of the things that can help support a calmer nervous system.

But perhaps one of the most important things we can learn is this: You can do things with anxiety. You do not always have to wait until you feel calm, confident or ready. You can feel nervous and still go. You can feel worried and still try. You can feel fear and still take the next small step. Each time you do, you give your brain some new evidence: “I felt anxious, and I coped.”

Little by little, the smoke alarm can learn that not every bit of burnt toast means the house is on fire. The goal is not a life without anxiety. It is a life where anxiety can be present without being the one in the driving seat.

Because sometimes the things that make us anxious are also the things that matter to us: a new job, a difficult conversation, travelling somewhere new, meeting new people or trying something we have never done before.

Anxiety doesn’t always mean stop. Sometimes it simply means, this matters to me. And some of the best things in life can happen when we feel the fear, take anxiety with us, and do it anyway. 

Claire McNulty is an ADHD Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Life Coach. More on her Facebook page and on Instagram and her website. Also go to the Honestly ADHD Facebook group.  



Coping with OCD by Dean Beadle



When someone you love is in the midst of a mental health crisis, you can feel at a loss with what to do. Helpless, even. What on Earth can you say that will make them feel better? The fear of getting it wrong can stun us into silence when our loved ones need us to speak up the most. 

The truth is, nothing you can say is going to fix it, so we needn’t let the pressure to provide a magical silver bullet stand in our way of being there for our loved ones. But there is something you can do to support your loved ones during their darkest hours. Something that’s likely to mean the world to them. You can make them feel seen.

This past year I've been navigating an OCD flare up which has pushed me to the very edge of my tolerance. The anxiety and distress have felt insurmountable. There simply aren’t adequate words to sum up how horrific the last twelve months have been. 

The thing is, OCD is such an internal private battle that you can easily feel like you're facing it alone. It can feel incredibly isolating fending off a hail of intrusive thoughts in silence all day long.  There have been times this year, I've wanted to open a window and scream to the world: "can none of you see I'm sinking?! How can the world carry on as normal when I'm drowning!?"

But even in those moments of desperation, I would never expect those I love to be able to fix it for me.  That's far too big an expectation. Nor do I expect them to fully understand it. How can they if they've never lived it themselves?  Instead of avoiding the subject for fear of saying the wrong thing, what I really need is for those I love to acknowledge my struggle. To say: "I can see you're having the worst time. I can see that you're at war in your own mind. I know it's taking so much strength to survive it." 

Not in any kind of pitying way, but in a validating way. That validation means everything. It means someone who loves me is a witness to what's happening. It means they’ve honoured my experiences. It means I have someone cheering me on. And I'm not alone fighting this invisible war.

This OCD flare up will pass, they always do, but what will stay with me is the loved ones who walked beside me while I struggled.

Those who didn't disappear into the shadows, but stayed and acknowledged what I was going through. Those who made me feel seen. Because feeling seen means everything when you’ve previously felt so alone.

Dean Beadle is an autistic speaker, advocate and content creator. He often posts content about his experiences with OCD.

Why Seeking Help is so Important by Carl Evans


We all suffer from some degree of emotional or psychological distress in our lives. At times this impacts us sufficiently that we find it hard to stay positive, get on with the things we want and need to do and enjoy life.

At these times it’s important to seek support, both from those around us and professional help through counselling. 

People with ADHD suffer disproportionately with mental health difficulties. Often we are unaware we are ADHD and this can make things worse, constantly trying to be ‘normal’ and feeling like we are failing. This really impacts our self esteem and self view. We feel bad. At times we may try to mitigate these issues with unhealthy behaviours for temporary relief, which can cause secondary difficulties. 

Seeking counselling can really help understand ourselves better, make sense of our ADHD and other life challenges. We can then develop ways to work more effectively with ourselves, be more resilient and connected with others and the world around us. Carl Evans at Engage Explore Evolve is experienced in working with these issues and offers a free initial consultation to see if this can work for you. 

Carl Evans is a Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor, Group Facilitator and Trainer based in Brighton and Hove.

Trigger Warning: The article below includes mentions of self-harming and suicidal behaviour.

Just Talk to Someone Please by Steve Ashfield 


I’ve written about mental health many times and I never find it an easy subject. However, I know just how important a subject this is, hence my putting together this special edition. I always tell people not to bottle up their feelings and get some help if they are having mental health problems.  I didn’t always do that though, in fact I was 34 when I first sought help. That really cost me dearly, so just what happens when you suffer in silence?

When I was growing up people always saw me as being the quiet, sensitive child who loved reading comics and watching sport. No one mentioned the word ‘autism’ to me, how I wish they had. 

It never used to take a great deal to upset me, but I didn’t have periods of low mood until just before I was 13.  That’s often a difficult age as you start your teens, but I know that it wasn’t just that causing me problems. 

I’m pretty honest when it comes to discussing my life, but that wasn’t always the way it was. Just before my 12th birthday, I was subjected to sexual abuse. It kept happening for several years and I still haven't gotten over it.  I didn't tell anyone about what was happening even though it was affecting my mental health. Often I wonder what would have happened if I had been open about what was happening.

I wasn’t an expert on depression, and I’m still not. There simply wasn’t anywhere near as much being written about mental health in the 1970s as there is in the internet age. Perhaps if I could have gone online and read about depression my life might have been a bit different.

My brother was ten years older than me and that made it difficult for me to build a relationship with him. We were very different people with few shared interests. He had mental health problems and had two spells in a mental hospital in Northampton. I used to visit him and it scared me. My fear was that if I did talk to someone about my own mental health problems, I might end up in hospital too, so I kept quiet. Big mistake.

I wish I had spoken to someone, just finding someone who I could speak to might have made everything easier. That’s not what happened though and no one seemed to notice the pain I was in. I guess being the quiet sensitive one wasn’t a help. Perhaps I should have lost my temper a few times, done something outrageous but I didn’t. I just kept quiet and spent a lot of time on my own, trying to work my head out.

My problems continued and life at college in Portsmouth wasn’t easy at all. More long walks, spending a fortune in the amusement arcades and not a relationship in sight.  Of course at that stage I had no idea that I was autistic.

I still kept quiet about my mental health problems. I used to just wish I could get back to how I felt before the doom and gloom began. Without getting some help, that was never going to happen.

This continued until I was 34 years of age. I’d started self-harming by then and when an infection occurred, I had to go to see a doctor and finally, I opened up about what was happening.

It wasn’t an instant cure of course and the mental health problems have continued, occasionally coming back to really damage my life. It was in 1997 that I first had the courage to write an article about my mental health. I have always found that to be useful, perhaps I should have done it a lot earlier in my life.

I’ve learnt that talking or writing about mental health is so important. Going to your doctor or to a counsellor really can help. Don’t bottle it up, because sooner or later something will tip you over the edge and the situation will become even worse.

Not telling others about your mental health struggles can also cause some difficult moments. I had a recent incident that was absolutely no fault of the other person. They did something that reminded me of one of my darkest moments, something I haven’t written about in depth in THE MAG.  If I had told that person about what had happened, then the incident may well have been avoided. Hiding the truth happens though. 

How many times do you read about families who have endured a suicide bereavement comment that they had no idea their loved one was struggling?

This is such a difficult subject and editing this mental health edition has been one of the toughest tasks that I have ever set myself.  One article later in this edition has even led me to refer myself for therapy, but I'll be ok. 

I still don’t like talking or writing about it and I don’t do it to get sympathy from those who listen or read my comments. The simple facts are that I’ve learned the hard way that it is so important not to bottle up our emotions. If articles like this help just one person, then it’s all been worth it.


Reflections from a Therapist....I Thought I was Trusting My Therapist. I Was Actually Just Telling Her Everything - By Charlotte Pacelli MBACP, PGDip, PGCE. Humanistic Counsellor at Hope Of It All Therapy




I have worked with quite a few neurodivergent clients who I have privately come to think of as “pattern-seeking missiles”.

They can tell you exactly what they are feeling, where it comes from, when it started, which childhood experience probably connects to it, what attachment pattern might be involved and, given enough time, probably how the whole thing relates to the existential meaning of being alive.

I recognise it because I do it too.

There is something incredibly powerful about being able to understand yourself. To notice patterns. To make connections. To find the thread between what is happening now and what happened years ago. But I have also started to notice that understanding a feeling and actually feeling it are two very different things.

You can tell somebody you are sad without letting them see you be sad. You can explain why something hurts without allowing yourself to experience the hurt. You can talk about your deepest wounds while remaining surprisingly far away from the actual feeling of having those wounds touched. I’ve realised this in my own therapy too.

For a long time, I thought I was very trusting. I was certainly very open. I could tell my therapist an enormous amount about myself. But I have come to understand that there is a difference between oversharing and really allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another person. For me, some of that has meant learning that trust is not something I can simply announce I have. It is something that develops in a therapeutic relationship. And that takes time.

I think this is particularly interesting when working with neurodivergent people, because many of us can become exceptionally good at analysing ourselves. We might have spent years trying to understand why we respond differently, why relationships feel complicated, why our brains work the way they do.

But therapy is not only a place where you can finally explain yourself to somebody who gets it. It can become a place where, slowly, you discover what it is like to feel something in front of another person and not immediately have to turn it into an explanation. Sometimes the really important moment in a session is not the brilliant insight itself, it can begin to surface in the silence that follows the reflection, or when we explore what feels different in your body as you talk about it. 

The most connection I've experienced with my own therapist happened when I stopped telling her what I felt and, for a little while, actually let myself feel it. When my trust in her had built enough, it surprised me that it actually felt like I was feeling with her, rather than in front of her.

This is when the therapeutic relationship becomes something more than simply a place to talk. It becomes a place where you can practise being felt, as well as understood.



B!tch On the Mic - Jess Nicks at The Brunswick





Still recovering from a heavy cold, I really needed cheering up on Sunday October 4. Thankfully, Jess Nicks was on top form in her show ‘B!tch On the Mic' at The Brunswick in Hove.

It was a suitable show to watch during ADHD Awareness Month and the content of the show was both hilarious and also thought provoking. It’s not an easy life being an over-thinker, even the easiest of tasks end up becoming difficult. A top message to take home from this show was that your thoughts aren’t the truth.

Jess introduces us to all the b!tches that live in her head B!tch FM is the radio station you really don’t want to listen to, but often you just don't have any choice but to.

As the show progresses, we get to meet a series of b!tches. They represent hunger, rebellion, hormonal (complete with tampons as earrings that even Bet Lynch wouldn’t wear) and Sweaty B!tch.

Needing to cool down a bit, there was a meditation section, but the wording wasn’t that helpful. The voices in your brain telling you that you’re not good enough hit a few nerves with this less-than-confident reporter.




We also got to meet Annoying B!tch and had a quick session with the doctor that definitely wasn’t going to cure any problems. My association with what Jess was telling us went into overdrive when the Self-doubting B!tch made an appearance. I probably blushed when the Self-righteous B!tch turned up.

Jess had to wait two-and-a-half years to receive her official diagnosis of being ADHD, all because of a problem with a form.  My near four month wait was torture enough, we really shouldn’t have to wait so long for such an important result.

More B!itches were to come out of her special box and again I and others in the audience who are neurodivergent nodded with approval. The Outsider B!tch definitely fitted that category as did the Shame B!tch.

There was a rather revealing end to this excellent show as we all got to see a lot more of Jess than we’d been expecting to. Jess works as a life coach now and that along with her great sense of humour made this a memorable show. 

Get ready for a Day of Deb!tching with Jess on November 22 from 11am to 4.30pm at The Barn at Westdene BN1 5EE. This is described as a "powerful, playful and deeply transformative day designed to help you break free from the inner critic that keeps you doubting, overthinking, shrinking and second-guessing yourself." Early tickets £67 then the price rises to £77.



Hail to the Zine Baby’s Guide to Good Brain Vibes and Silly Fun Times! 



Your mental health is SO important and looking after it can look different to everyone. 

Here are my 5 tips that help me as a neurodivergent person:

1) Have something to look forward to! 

For example, a trip away, a gig, a new book release, seeing your favourite people. You could research if there's any events, exhibitions, places tied to your hyperfixations or special interests. You could visit a filming location from your favourite film, attend a special screening of a favourite show or a comic book convention. You might meet new pals who are equally passionate! I acknowledge some of these activities have financial barriers, but often there are free and fun activities or workshops to attend - just search for ‘(your area) free workshops / activities / support groups’.

2) Zines!! 

Get all the thoughts out of your brain in a creative way. Make a zine full of things that make you feel good or remind you of good times. You could collage, do creative writing, draw - any way you want to express yourself. Make a zine about your current hyperfixation - all that time, energy, research and passion could go into a creative tangible thing! That you could then sell, swap or give away to people who also like the same thing. 

Here is a link on how to make a mini zine.

3) Using Social Media mindfully 

Socials can be good and bad, but using it tactfully for mental health can sometimes be useful to me. I have a saved folder of videos that make me laugh loads, so I can go there when I need good vibes or a distraction.  Here is an example

Always remember you can set timers and parameters if social media doesn't work for you, or if you don't have social media, an alternative could be watching your favourite comfort movie, make a playlist of your fave songs or YouTube videos.

4) Lean into hyperfixations and special interests

I find them quite grounding and helpful to have an anchor in my day. I might engage with my hyperfixation at a particular time on an evening if I'm working or having a stressful day. I try to switch off and think, ‘I'm not going to do anything else but research Pokémon for an hour now.’ As long as you're safe and it's not hurting you or anybody else :)

And finally… 5) Be kind to yourself!

Cut yourself some slack! You're great and the world can be mean and overwhelming sometimes. When the news, people or the world tries to grind you down, find joy and happiness out of spite! Always remember therapy, talking with a trusted person and reaching out to support lines are always an option. 

Take care homies! - Mack


October is a packed month when it comes to mental health. Not only is it World Mental Health Day on the 10th, it's also ADHD Awareness Month. Oh, and it's also Dyspraxia Awareness Week from the 12th to 18th. More about that later in this edition. The next few articles take a look at ADHD.

Anxiety and the Overwhelmed Brain by Chloe Jones


Chloe Jones is a Clinical Hypnotherapist working in West Sussex and online, supporting people experiencing anxiety, panic, overwhelm and nervous system dysregulation. She combines clincal hypnotherapy with approaches including EMDR and EFT, adapting her work to the individual and the way their mind works.  Below, Chloe looks at a subject many of us who have ADHD will know only too well.

"I'm exhausted, but I can't relax" and "I just want to switch my brain off" are both sentences I hear in my therapy room all the time.

Sometimes they come from someone with ADHD whose thoughts are moving too quickly, and sometimes from someone with a more neurotypical brain that has simply reached the point of overwhelm. What often brings both kinds of clients into my therapy room is the anxiety that can begin to manifest, sometimes physically, in every facet of their lives.

Their once quiet or manageable minds can suddenly seem unable to find any real sense of calm, and life can leave them feeling as though they are constantly being chased by the proverbial tiger.

As many of you, I’m sure, will be able to relate to, being able to relax is harder than one might first think. It’s commonly assumed that lying on a beach or lounging on the sofa is instantly restorative, but for those of us who can’t switch off the quick-moving thoughts competing for attention, rest can be an elusive companion.

You can physically stop the body, but the mind continues at full speed — worrying about tomorrow, replaying yesterday or questioning every physical sensation until overwhelm consumes you. For someone whose brain naturally works quickly, that mental activity may be very familiar.

For someone experiencing anxiety or prolonged stress, it may feel completely new. One of the things working with different clients has taught me is that there really isn’t one correct way to relax.

Some people respond beautifully to quiet, stillness and closing their eyes. For others, being told to “clear your mind” is almost laughable. Clear it of what? Which thought would you like me to start with?

Sometimes trying desperately to relax simply becomes another task to accomplish. Another thing to get right. Another opportunity to wonder why everybody else seems able to do this when you can’t.

When I work with someone with ADHD, I adapt my approach to relaxation and hypnotherapy. Rather than expecting a busy brain to suddenly become completely still, sometimes it helps to give that brain something to do, something to focus on and follow— while allowing the body to gradually slow down alongside it.

I don’t treat ADHD itself, nor would I want to suggest that a naturally quick or active mind is something that needs to be “fixed”. My work is with the anxiety and overwhelm that can sometimes sit alongside it.

I also meet many people who tell me, “I never used to be like this.” Perhaps they have experienced a difficult few years: bereavement, illness, trauma, family pressures, work stress or financial worries. Or sometimes it is simply too many things happening for too long, without enough opportunity to recover.

Eventually, it can feel as though their internal alarm system has forgotten how to stand down.

And perhaps this is where we need to reconsider what we mean by “switching off”.

Our brains are supposed to think. Perhaps calm isn’t about having no thoughts at all. Maybe it is about being able to notice a thought without automatically following it.

Not every thought needs an answer. Not every uncomfortable feeling needs investigating. Not every possible future problem needs solving today. Importantly, not every alarm your mind sounds means that something is actually wrong.

For some people, finding calm means fewer racing thoughts. For others, the thoughts may still come quickly, but they begin to feel less urgent. You can notice them without being pulled along by every single one. That is often where I see the biggest change — not necessarily silence, but space.

Space between the thought and the reaction. Space to decide whether something really needs your attention. Space, perhaps, to simply let a thought pass without having to do anything about it at all.

Whether your brain has always moved at a hundred miles an hour or anxiety has only recently pushed the accelerator down, perhaps we need to stop judging ourselves quite so much for finding it difficult to “switch off”.

Perhaps the goal isn’t to switch your brain off at all.

Perhaps it is simply to reach a point where you no longer feel as though you are fighting with your own mind.

And therein lies the calm. 

Chloe Jones ADCH, HPD is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and works with adults and teenagers re anxiety, chronic illness, burnout and sleep.

How ADHD Makes My Work So Difficult by Steve Ashfield


Being late diagnosed has changed my life. That really is the understatement of the year, believe me. It has taught me so much about myself. For the first time, I actually feel like I know myself though I’m sure there’s still a lot more to learn. How has it affected the way I work?

There’s a lot more of it now of course since I launched THE MAG. It’s a difficult task because I never expected this blog to get as large as it has. Also, it’s the most I’ve pushed myself since the heart attack I had in 2025. I’m ok though and pretty much know when to stop, though heart failure tends to tell you when to do that. Having ADHD does make my work even more difficult though.

My paid job is writing sports previews. I’m writing this edition while on a break from previewing the Shanghai Masters tennis, some football and even F1. I have been self-employed for 13 years now and I’m pretty glad that is so because I can’t imagine I’d last that long in an office with a manager keeping an eye on me.

Why?  Well, I just find it impossible to fully concentrate on my work. Even writing this article has seen me write a few sentences then check my emails, the BBC Sport website, Facebook and back to the article.  This shouldn’t take me too long to write, but my ADHD means it’s going to take a fair while to get to the end of this article.

I just don’t know how to just concentrate on the job in hand. I could switch the other laptop off, but I’d still find something else to distract me. I’d go and look out the window or just start some work on another project.  I used to think that it was the journalist in me that just wanted to know everything, but then came the ADHD diagnosis.

At least with the diagnosis in place I now understand my problems a bit more. That doesn’t stop it happening though and I haven’t got any medication due to my heart problems. Somehow I just have to battle on and give myself a little more time to get my work finished.

There are other problems of course that are caused by other problems such as my autism and anxiety. I just have to persevere because writing THE MAG and writing those sports previews is so important to me. How does your ADHD affect your work? Email me at mageditoruk@gmail.com.  

What School Avoidance Awareness Week Showed Us by Chrissa Wadlow from Sunshine Support

The Stories Behind the Statistics

School Avoidance Awareness Week has been incredible, empowering and, at times, deeply emotional. Throughout the week, parents and carers have trusted us with stories that are genuinely heartbreaking. 

We have heard about children and young people whose needs remain unmet, whose distress has escalated and whose inability to attend school is still being treated as a problem of parental compliance rather than a sign that something is wrong. 

                                          

Again and again, families have described being blamed or threatened with punishment when the reason their child cannot attend lies within the environment, an unmet need or something happening in school. It continues to baffle me. A fine can only change attendance when a parent has the power to change the reason for the absence. 

When a child is overwhelmed, unsafe or unable to access an unsuitable environment, punishing their parent does not remove the barrier. It simply places more fear and pressure around a family that is already struggling.

Knowledge Changes the Conversation


Alongside those difficult accounts, we have received extraordinary feedback from parents and carers who now feel better able to understand their child’s rights. Sessions exploring access to education, legal duties, EHCPs, alternative provision and what should happen when a child cannot attend have helped families make sense of systems that can feel deliberately complicated.

That knowledge matters. It does not make every barrier disappear overnight, but it can change the conversation. Parents have told us they feel more confident asking the right questions, challenging decisions and explaining that non-attendance is not simply a behaviour to be corrected. Most importantly, many now feel less alone and less responsible for circumstances they did not create.

Schools Have Been Learning Too


One of the most encouraging parts of the week has been seeing schools and education professionals joining the conversation in meaningful numbers. They have been learning about safeguarding, school-based distress, choosing and quality-assuring alternative provision, and how to understand what may be driving a child’s non-attendance before deciding what the response should be.

That has been incredibly enlightening, because this work was never intended to place parents and schools on opposing sides. Children recover when the adults around them become curious, communicate honestly and work together. When a school is willing to look beyond attendance percentages and ask what a child is experiencing, it can completely change the direction of that family’s story.

The Week Ends But The Support Does Not  

School Avoidance Awareness Week has shown us the scale of the problem, but it has also shown us the appetite for change. Parents want practical guidance rather than blame. Professionals want better tools and a clearer understanding of what helps. Children and young people need the adults around them to listen before their distress reaches crisis point. 

The live week has come to an end but every session remains available to watch on demand. My hope is that families, schools and professionals will continue using the learning long after this week, sharing it with the people who need to hear it and starting conversations that centre the child rather than the attendance figure. You can access the sessions and further support at schoolavoidance.co.uk.


About Chrissa



Chrissa Wadlow is the Founder and Managing Director of award-winning SEND consultancy Sunshine Support, which she established in 2017 following her own experiences fighting for the rights of her four neurodivergent children. A late-diagnosed neurodivergent and disabled woman, Chrissa is an award-winning speaker, writer, podcaster and regular media contributor, with appearances including BBC Breakfast, BBC News and Channel 4.

Through Sunshine Support, Chrissa and her predominantly neurodivergent team have supported more than 90,000 families, professionals and young people. She writes and speaks about SEND, neurodivergence, school non-attendance, parenting and inclusion, usually with a combination of evidence, lived experience, straight-talking honesty and the occasional inappropriate joke. sunshinechrissa

School Avoidance Awareness Week might be over, but you haven’t missed it. 

☀️ Watch EVERY session on catch-up
☀️ Use code CHRISSA30 for 30% OFF your first 3 months
☀️ Parents AND professionals can access their full programme


I’m inundated every day with messages about school avoidance and non-attendance. What do I do? Should I push? What are my child’s rights? What about EHCPs, EOTIS, recovery, anxiety or burnout? 

I can't answer something this complex properly in an Instagram DM.


You can spend months piecing together my Reels and posts, OR you can sit down and learn from an entire week of experts covering the things families desperately need to understand.

There’s no magic answer, but knowledge can completely change how you approach what happens next.

Everything is waiting for you. Watch it at your own pace, come back whenever you need it, and arm yourself with information. 💛

 


Returning to School When Attendance Feels Impossible
How adults can best support emotionally based school avoidance
By Emma Lacey, SEMH Coach

The start of a new school term can bring excitement, but for some children and young people, walking through the school gate can trigger intense fear, physical symptoms, a flight response or complete shutdown.

Emotionally based school avoidance is not laziness, defiance or a lack of ambition. It is often a sign that something about school feels unsafe or unmanageable.

“Success shouldn’t be measured by how many hours a young person spends in school, but by how emotionally safe they feel while they’re there.”

Listen to what the behaviour is communicating

Avoidance is communication. I encourage parents and school staff to consider what the young person may be protecting themselves from. This might include sensory overload, friendship difficulties, bullying, academic anxiety, transitions, fear of making mistakes, separation anxiety, masking, exhaustion, fear of the unknown or a lack of clarity about the day ahead.

Changes to the usual timetable can be particularly difficult. A project week described as ‘fun’ may be exciting for some pupils but intensely unsettling for an autistic child who relies on structure and predictability.

For neurodivergent young people, simply navigating a school day can demand enormous energy. Some hold everything together at school before releasing their distress at home. 

Others reach a point where they cannot enter the building at all.

This invites a more helpful question. Instead of asking, ‘Why won’t you go to school?’, ask, ‘What would make school feel safer or more manageable?’

Use less language and allow time

I have heard many adults ask a visibly distressed young person, ‘What is wrong?’ or ‘Why are you so upset?’ Now imagine being expected to explain yourself during the equivalent of a meltdown. Could any of us guarantee a calm and sensible response?

During acute stress, the brain and nervous system prioritise survival. Access to language, working memory, flexible thinking and emotional regulation can temporarily reduce. Children and adolescents are still developing these skills, and autism or ADHD may add differences in processing, communication and recognising emotions.

Children repeatedly ask me to tell adults: ‘Use less words.’ I have seen teachers become distracted by the grammar during INSET sessions, but that misses the point. When a child is overwhelmed, reduce the amount of language. Short sentences, visual cues, reduced demands and time to process are often more helpful than repeated questions. 

Some young people will also need specialist, trained and experienced support. In my work, children often communicate thoughts and experiences they have struggled to express elsewhere once they feel safe and the approach is right for them.

Make support clear and predictable

Schools will often arrange for ‘someone’ to welcome a child at the gate. However, meeting a different adult each day can create additional uncertainty, however kind and well intentioned those adults may be. One consistent and trusted person can make a significant difference.

A quieter entrance, a slightly later start, a trusted adult and an agreed safe space can make the day feel more predictable and manageable.

A support plan is only reassuring when it is clear, practical and understood by everyone. Office staff, teaching assistants and librarians can be just as important as tutors and teachers because they may be the people a child meets when they are struggling to go to or remain in class.

The plan should explain where the child can go when they feel overwhelmed, who will support them and what will happen next. Visual timetables, simple written or picture-based steps and advance notice of change can reduce uncertainty without relying on lengthy verbal explanations. If something cannot happen as agreed, a quiet explanation and compassionate response will protect trust far more effectively than a public discussion.

I have seen weeks of preparation unravel because an agreed plan has not reached the right people. This is often a gap within a pressured system rather than a lack of care, but the impact on the young person can be significant. Effective plans reach every relevant adult and are reviewed together, with the young person included in a way that works for them.

Help the adults work together

At home, parents and carers can acknowledge their child’s distress. Calm, predictable mornings with fewer questions and decisions may reduce pressure when anxiety is already high.

When agreed support has not been provided, parents’ frustration is understandable. Children can also absorb the anxiety of the adults around them. My work has the greatest impact when the adults use the strategies too and consider what they need to stay regulated. This helps families raise concerns constructively while keeping home emotionally safe for the child.

Recognise progress in all its forms

When young people begin to feel safer and more regulated, we can explore what choice, control and realistic timeframes they can have. Learning involves ‘risking on purpose’: trying something difficult, accepting that we may not get it right the first time and gradually building resilience. Emotional safety allows a young person to take those risks without removing their voice or pushing them beyond what is manageable.

Progress might initially mean entering the building, meeting a trusted adult or staying through breaktime. Important progress is also visible at home: returning from school regulated, talking more freely about the day or being able to sleep.

Success does not always mean immediately resuming a full timetable or returning to the same setting. It may mean a carefully paced return, a different educational pathway or specialist provision where the young person’s needs can be understood and met.

The right outcome helps a young person feel safe enough to learn, develop confidence and experience a genuine sense of belonging. Emotional safety is the foundation on which sustainable attendance can be rebuilt.

Emma Lacey has spent 30 years supporting children and young people and is now in the ninth year of her independent coaching practice. She works with a wide range of needs and has built a large following within the neurodivergent community. 

Coaching is available online, at home, in schools or in another setting that works for the young person, enabling Emma to support families beyond Brighton and Hove as well as locally. Some clients receive support funded by their local county councils through EHCP or EOTAS packages. @emmalaceycoach | newenquiries4emmalaceycoach@gmail.com | LinkedIn: Emma Lacey SEMH Coach

Trigger warning: The article below discusses suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Autism and Suicide: Why Silence Must Never Be Mistaken for Safety by Meyrem Coban Cetinkyay - Autism and Suicide Prevention Researcher

 I research autism and suicide prevention. I am a firm believer in co-designing accessible support with autistic people, and I work with them actively in my professional life. When I tell people what I do, the conversation often goes quiet. They say, “Oh, okay,” and that is where it ends. But instead of going quiet, I want to talk with you about it. Because that silence always makes me think again, as autistic people are among those who feel it most and whose voices deserve to be known more. 

Autistic people are up to seven times more likely to die by suicide than people who are not autistic (1), up to 70% have at least one mental health condition (2), and recent UK estimates suggest around one in three have experienced suicidal thoughts (3). None of this means autism leads to suicide. The more useful question is what happens around autistic people over a lifetime?

Timing is part of that. In one UK study, autistic adults first suspected they might be neurodivergent at an average age of 33, with many receiving a diagnosis later in adulthood (in my experience, this often follows their child’s diagnosis). Many spend years without an explanation for why life feels harder than it seems to for others, and without the support a diagnosis can open up. Getting one also means waiting. As of June 2026, more than 294,000 people in England were waiting for an autism assessment, around nine in ten for longer than the 13 weeks NICE recommends (4).

Autistic adults in a study named loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and mental illness as the most important contributors to their suicidal thoughts (5). They also described being invalidated in healthcare settings and targeted by others over many years (5). Many add the daily effort of masking, working constantly to appear comfortable in a world that was not built with them in mind (6).

On the other hand, distress is easy to miss. Evidence suggests only around one third of people who died by suicide had communicated suicidal intent beforehand (7). Much of suicide prevention assumes that people will talk about their thoughts and plans, yet autistic people may not present the way professionals expect (8). Difficulty putting distress into words, fear of being misunderstood and the effort of appearing to cope can all keep them quiet (8). Another hurdle is whether the professionals involved acknowledge someone’s autism at all (9). Many autistic people report not being believed or understood when they disclose feeling suicidal (9).

Research with autistic adults in the UK shows how this plays out. Only 28.3% had sought help from health services the last time they experienced suicidal thoughts or behaviours (10). Among those who had not, the most common reasons were trying to cope alone, not trusting that the support on offer could help, and feeling that long waiting lists made it pointless (10). Many said nothing was tailored to people like them, and one in four feared consequences such as being sectioned (3).

If you have waited months for an appointment, been misunderstood before, or worry that honesty will cost you control of your own care, silence can feel like the only option left. Responsibility for changing this sits with services, schools, workplaces and the people around autistic individuals.

So what helps? Ask directly (8). Avoid softer phrasing such as asking whether someone is planning to leave this world. Vague wording is easy to misread. “Are you thinking about suicide?” is clear and kind. Asking does not plant the idea, and it tells the person the subject is safe to raise. Listen without rushing to fix anything, take what you hear seriously and help them reach professional support. If someone is in immediate danger, stay with them and call 999.

When it comes to autism, distress may not look the way you expect. Someone may not say they want to die. They may talk about being a burden, not belonging, having no future or being unable to cope. These reflect perceived burdensomeness and thwarted belongingness, two parts of the interpersonal theory of suicide, and autistic adults report both more strongly than non-autistic adults (11). Watch for withdrawal, changes in sleep or eating, or someone who has masked so well that everything seems fine. The absence of an obvious signal is not proof of safety.

Support must also fit the person: extra time, plain and literal language, written information alongside spoken, a quiet space, and more than a phone call as the way in: autism-adapted support is not optional.

Going back to the start, when I tell people that I work in autism and suicide prevention, the conversation often ends with “oh, okay”. But perhaps that is where the conversation should begin. Not with panic, assumptions or silence, but with a direct question, time to listen and a willingness to understand what support looks like for that person. Silence is not evidence that someone is safe. Sometimes it is the result of years of being misunderstood, dismissed or expected to cope alone. We cannot prevent every suicide through one conversation, but we can make it less likely that an autistic person has to carry unbearable distress without being heard. Asking, listening and adapting support may be simple acts, but they can be where safety begins.

References

1 Jachyra, P., Rodgers, J., & Cassidy, S. (2022, April 1). Role of poor mental health support in autism and suicide. Newcastle University Press Office. 

2 Parliamentary Office of Science and Technology. (2020). Autism (POSTnote 612). UK Parliament. 

3 University of Cambridge. (2025, September 15). ‘Preventable deaths will continue’ without action to make the NHS more accessible for autistic people, say experts. 

4 National Autistic Society. (2026, August 13). Autism assessment waiting times. 

5 Autism Research Centre. (n.d.). The suicide prevention survey. University of Cambridge. 

6 Bradley, L., Shaw, R., Baron-Cohen, S., & Cassidy, S. (2021). Autistic adults’ experiences of camouflaging and its perceived impact on mental health. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4), 320-329.

7 Cassidy, S., Au-Yeung, S., Robertson, A., Cogger-Ward, H., Richards, G., Allison, C., Bradley, L., Kenny, R., O’Connor, R., Mosse, D., Rodgers, J., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2022). Autism and autistic traits in those who died by suicide in England. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 221(5), 683-691. 

8 Autistica. (2025). Suicide and autism. 

9 Autistica. (n.d.). Written evidence from Autistica to the Health, Social Care and Sport Committee. Welsh Parliament (Senedd). 

10 Procyshyn, T. L., Moseley, R. L., Marsden, S. J., Allison, C., Parsons, T., Cassidy, S., Pelton, M., Weir, E., Chikaura, T., Hodges, H., Mosse, D., Hall, I., Owens, L., Cheyette, J., Crichton, D., Rodgers, J., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2025). ‘I did not think they could help me’: Autistic adults’ reasons for not seeking public healthcare when they last experienced suicidality. Autism. Advance online publication. 

11 Pelton, M. K., Crawford, H., Robertson, A. E., Rodgers, J., Baron-Cohen, S., & Cassidy, S. (2020). Understanding suicide risk in autistic adults: Comparing the interpersonal theory of suicide in autistic and non-autistic samples. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(10), 3620-3637.

Andy Man's Club



Every Monday at 7pm (except Bank Holidays) all around the country there are meetings of 'Andy Man's Club.' It's a chance for men to talk about their mental health. The Brighton meeting is held at the Metropole Hotel on the seafront, at Mind in Littlehampton and in Worthing at the Durrington Community Centre, 2 Romany Road, Worthing, BN13 3FJ. 

Elizabeth sent THE MAG more information about the club and how it was founded:

"ANDYSMANCLUB takes its name from Andrew Roberts, a man who sadly took his own life aged 23 in early 2016. Andy’s family had no inkling that he was suffering or struggling to the extent that he would do this, and as a result looked deeper into male suicide and men’s mental health. They soon discovered that male suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 (now 54), with male mental health surrounded by well-ingrained cultural stigma in the UK.

Elaine Roberts and Luke Ambler are Andy’s Mum and Brother-in-Law, together they came up with the idea of ANDYSMANCLUB, a group where men aged 18 and above can speak openly about their mental health in a judgment-free, non-clinical environment.

Groups now operate nationwide and are completely volunteer-led, with all group facilitators having first interacted with ANDYSMANCLUB when they came through the door as a service user."

We currently have over 360 groups across the UK 


Brighton Cuddles



Brighton Cuddle Space has two events in October. On Saturday October 10, it’s ‘Saturday Snuggles’ at Ochre House starting at 2pm. This is described as “a cosy afternoon of consent-based platonic touch, for relaxation, connection and nervous system co-regulation.” The central aim of this "gentle, structured session" is "deep relaxation in community: nervous system regulation and co-regulation via consensual physical contact."  Tickets for this event cost from £28.88 are available on Eventbrite.   

On Monday October 19, they hold Brighton Cuddle Space: Touch Connection #3 at The Barn in Westdene  This is a “gentle, structured space for neurodivergent, queer, and/or disabled adults to explore embodied consent, connection, and platonic touch “ it is being funded by Brighton & Hove City Council’s Fairness Fund, for neurodivergent, LGBTQI+, and/or disabled people. It is a  trans-inclusive space.  They are looking at providing “accessible, inclusive, and friendly sessions, and welcome feedback and opportunities for our ongoing development.”  Tickets are free, book your space on Eventbrite.

What I witness in my work is that creating and holding contained spaces for people to receive and give consent-based platonic touch means they can drop into embodiment - really noticing what the body wants and needs. If this need is able to be met, receiving this touch creates a deep sense of wellbeing, relaxation, and psychological calm. When we can practise these consent-based embodiment techniques together safely in a group, it can create a deep sense of empathy, belonging, and presence, which are foundational for mental health.   


Understanding Dyspraxia: The Neurodivergence We Don't Talk About Enough by Caroline Langford from Neurodivergent Sussex

There has been a lot of discussion in the media recently around ADHD and autism assessment waiting times, alongside controversy surrounding some of the recent programmes exploring neurodivergence.

But amongst all of this conversation, I think something is getting a little bit lost: neurodivergence is much broader than ADHD and autism.

There are many different forms of neurodivergence, each with their own characteristics, challenges and strengths. Yet some receive far less attention and understanding than others.

So, in this article, we’re going to explore dyspraxia.

Dyspraxia, also known as Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), is a neurodevelopmental condition that can affect the way a person coordinates movement and processes information. It is often associated with difficulties with motor coordination, balance, spatial awareness and carrying out physical tasks.

However, dyspraxia isn’t simply about being “clumsy” or struggling with movement.

For some people, dyspraxia can also affect areas such as organisation, planning, time management and remembering instructions. These difficulties can sometimes overlap with experiences seen in other forms of neurodivergence.

Someone with dyspraxia may find timekeeping difficult, struggle to organise their day, become overwhelmed by multiple instructions or find certain everyday tasks take considerably more effort than they appear to take for someone else.

There can also be a social and emotional impact. Feeling different from those around you, particularly when difficulties aren’t understood, can contribute to feelings of isolation and difficulties within relationships. Over time, this can also have an impact on wellbeing, with some people experiencing anxiety, low mood or depression alongside their dyspraxia. 

And, as with many forms of neurodivergence, dyspraxia doesn't necessarily exist in isolation.

Some people with dyspraxia also have other neurodevelopmental conditons, including ADHD, autism, dyscalculia or dyslexia. This can sometimes make identifying and understanding an individual's experiences more complex.

What does dyspraxia look like in everyday life?

One of the difficulties with dyspraxia is that it can be quite difficult to see from the outside. Someone may simply appear forgetful, disorganised, clumsy or as though they are struggling to keep up, without anyone understanding what is actually happening underneath.
For some people, everyday activities that others take for granted can require considerably more thought, planning and concentration.


This might include:

  • Movement and coordination – bumping into things, dropping objects, difficulty with balance or finding certain physical activities challenging.
  • Fine motor skills – difficulties with handwriting, using cutlery, doing buttons or zips, tying shoelaces or handling small objects.
  • Following instructions – particularly when there are several steps to remember or instructions are given verbally and quickly.
  • Organisation and planning – finding belongings, managing several tasks at once, planning a sequence of activities or keeping track of what needs to be done.
  • Timekeeping – difficulties judging how long something will take, estimating time or arriving somewhere on time.
  • Spatial awareness – misjudging distances, navigating unfamiliar environments or finding it difficult to judge where your body is in relation to objects around you.
  • Learning new physical skills – needing more repetition and practice before a movement or sequence becomes automatic.
  • Fatigue and overwhelm – having to consciously think through movements or everyday tasks that other people may do automatically can be mentally and physically tiring.
  • As with other forms of neurodivergence, dyspraxia is very individual. Someone may experience only a few of these difficulties, while for another person they may be much more significant and have a greater impact on everyday life. There is no single way that dyspraxia presents, and not everyone will experience all of the characteristics described above.

And these difficulties don’t necessarily disappear simply because someone is an adult.

A person may have developed strategies to compensate for their dyspraxia, meaning that other people don’t always realise how much additional effort is going into everyday activities.

This is also why understanding dyspraxia is so important. What might look like carelessness, forgetfulness, lateness or clumsiness from the outside may actually be the result of a brain that is processing movement, information, planning and coordination differently.

But rather than trying to explain dyspraxia solely from an outside perspective, we wanted to hear directly from someone who experiences it themselves.

So, what is it actually like to live with dyspraxia?

The following section explores dyspraxia through lived experience. MAG Editor Steve Ashfield writes about how realising he has dyspraxia has explained so much to him.

I always thought that one of the biggest problems I've ever had is that I'm just clumsy and accident prone.  Often I thought of myself as the Inspector Clouseau of journalism. I'd get my story in the end, but there'd often be chaos on the way.

Not until this year had  I ever heard of the word 'dyspraxia.' Caroline is so right to state that dyspraxia just isn't mentioned enough when neurodiversity is discussed.

Finally finding out and being able to research dyspraxia has explained so much to me in the past few months.  For example, I've always had a bit of a problem with working out left and right. Now that I know that is a common problem for those with dyspraxia, I can finally offer an answer to a rather upset teacher at my junior school around 56 years ago.

Somehow I ended up on the school dance team, there must have been a flu epidemic or something for that to happen.  At a school concert, we performed a dance called 'Lucky Seven.'  Well, the idea was the boy would dance with the girl for a while, then the girls would stop and the boys would move seven to the right and then dance with their new partner.  

An easy task unless someone (me of course) got their left and right mixed up. All the boys went to the right apart from me who went to the left. One poor girl ended up with two partners and another ended up on her own.  It was not a pleasant conversation with the dance teacher later that evening.  Now I know why that happened.

To this very day I have had a nightmare trying to tie my shoelaces. I've watched countless videos, but just cannot do it.  It used to be so upsetting at school when it was games and I had to put my football boots on.  I always thought it was a mental block of some kind and then I found out about dyspraxia. It knocked me for six when I saw an information sheet on dyspraxia and it showed an image of a young girl trying to tie up her shoelaces!

I reckon I'm a pretty decent writer (lack of self-confidence is another problem!), but I can't hold a pen properly. I'm not that great with cutlery either and can still remember being shouted at by a teacher during school dinners. I just wasn't very good at using a knife to cut up the roast beef, now I have an explanation as to why this is the case. I used to dread having to use scissors and still struggle to cut anything in a straight line. 

I've played cricket for years, but please don't stick me on the boundary. I've just never been able to throw a ball properly and now I know why.  I can definitely associate myself with the fatigue and overwhelm that Caroline mentioned in her excellent article.

Then there was the time I was the worst barman in the world. It became a running joke that I struggled to use a bottle opener. Eventually I did manage to get the bottle open but at a cost. I broke the bottle opener!  When I did find one I could use, there was total panic the afternoon it went missing. It's the same with tin openers, most of them I just cannot use.

I can't ride a bike and have never learned how to swim.  When instructions are given out to me for anything I tend to panic a bit.  The chances of me getting them right the first time are not very high. 

My mind goes back to a time when we were all given a stopwatch at school to record some times for a 100m race. I wasn't too sure how to use it and clicked mine about a second after the race began. The cruel teacher remarked: "I knew I shouldn't have asked you." 40 years later I was in charge of announcing it was midnight at a New Year's Eve party and did so at about five past midnight!

I'd say that dyspraxia and ADHD probably cause me more problems than my autism. At least now I know something about them, I can be a little bit kinder to myself and understand why I have so many problems with certain tasks.


Wiring, Not Wound by Benna McCartney


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My hometown of Liverpool has a UK study out of John Moores University, published at the end of 2024, that found that neurodivergent people are considerably more likely than neurotypical people to have lived through multiple adverse childhood experiences, and that the combination of the two is what actually drives the poorer mental health and wellbeing outcomes so often reported in this community. 

In other words, the struggle a lot of us carry isn't caused by being neurodivergent on its own, it's caused by being neurodivergent in a world and a childhood that responded to that wiring with harm, and until fairly recently the research hadn't separated those two things out clearly enough to prove it.

After twenty two years of coaching, and a fair bit of that time spent untangling my own AuDHD and complex trauma, that distinction changed how I work with people. Wiring and wound get tangled together so often that most of us end up trying to fix one with tools meant for the other, and it rarely lands.

Wiring is how your brain and body are built, the sensory sensitivity, the way your attention moves, the need for stillness or noise or silence that other people don't seem to share. It was there before anything happened to you, and it isn't going anywhere, because it was never broken to begin with. 

Wound is what happened when that wiring met a world that kept punishing it, the years of being told you were overreacting when your body was genuinely in distress, the masking that got so automatic you lost track of who you were underneath it, a nervous system that now fires a threat response at things that were never actually a threat because it learned a long time ago that safety wasn't guaranteed. 

That's the pattern the Liverpool study is pointing at, and it lines up with what I see consistantly in late diagnosed clients, where CPTSD and neurodivergence arrived together and have to be worked with together.

You don't need a clinical background to start telling the two apart. When something feels like too much, it can help to ask whether this is your system doing exactly what it's built to do, or an old alarm sounding because of something it learned to fear once. Neither one needs correcting so much as recognising for what it is, so you can respond to the actual thing in front of you rather than a story about it.

One tool I built for exactly this moment, when everything feels like too much and you can't think straight enough to work out why, is called The Reset. It's a free three step practice to feel it, free it, become it, and I made it available on my website because I think everyone should have something like this in their back pocket, not just my clients.

Feel it means noticing what's happening in your body right now without a story attached, not why you're anxious, just where it lives. Tight chest, held breath, a clenched jaw, whatever it is, you're locating it rather than analysing it.

Free it means giving that sensation somewhere to move instead of holding it in place, a long exhale, a shake of the hands, two minutes outside, anything that lets it pass through rather than trapping it where it sits. This is usually the step people skip, because most of us were taught to push feelings down and get on with things.

Become it means asking, once the intensity has eased even slightly, what you actually need right now and letting yourself have it, quiet, space, a stim you've been holding back, permission to leave the room. This is where you start acting from the calmer version of yourself rather than the flooded one.

You can download The Reset for free at this link along with its companion piece The Return, an eight step self enquiry practice for the deeper work once you're regulated enough to do it. Both come in an adult version, The Return also has a teen edition, and a version for younger kids is on its way.

There was nothing wrong with you to begin with. You were running on wiring the world hadn't caught up to yet, carrying wounds that made complete sense given what you'd lived through, and both of those things can be true and both deserve their own kind of care. 

I work with neurodivergent adults one to one through intuitive coaching, helping untangle exactly this, what's wiring and what's wound, and what to actually do about each. If that's something you or someone you know could use, you're welcome to find me at bennamccartney.com or email me on info@bennamccartney.com.

  

Mental Health Fitness Plan - Gentle Journal Companion by Emma Disney



This gentle journal companion is designed to support your ongoing mental health fitness journey.

It invites self-reflection, mindfulness, and compassion — helping you stay connected to your emotional well-being.

1. Today’s Emotional Check-In

How am I feeling right now — in body, mind, and heart?

2. What’s Been Nourishing Me Lately?

What activities, thoughts, or people have helped me feel supported, calm, or joyful?

3. My Mental Fitness Moments

When have I felt strong, centered, or proud of how I handled something?

4. Gentle Reminders to Myself

What kind, encouraging words do I need to hear today?

5. My Calm & Grounding Practices

Which practices (breathing, walking, journaling, connecting) help me feel steady and safe?

6. Small Wins & Gratitude

What am I thankful for today — big or small?

7. Looking Ahead with Intention

What’s one small thing I can do tomorrow to support my mental fitness and inner peace?

Remember: Your mental fitness journey is not about perfection — it’s about compassion, growth, and consistency. Every small act of self-care adds strength to your emotional foundation.

Grow through all that you go through and learn to THRIVE!

Find out more about MyLifeMyMe here.

Emma has another project with Theraputic Sound Healing in East and West Sussex. More about this in our next edition.

Trigger Warning: The article below looks at the subject of self-harming

Your Own Worst Enemy by Steve Ashfield


What happens when it seems that you are your own worst enemy? It’s a situation I’ve faced on many occasions over the past thirty or so years. Self-harming is so difficult to deal with, but thankfully at present it’s a battle I’m winning. Well, at the time of publishing this edition, who knows what lies ahead?

As you will have read elsewhere in this special mental health edition, I’ve had my fair share of mental health problems. All without knowing that I had autism and ADHD! 

Depression and anxiety were constant companions from around the age of 13 and yes there was a suicide attempt. I’d never self-harmed though, not physically anyway. I did deliberately fail some interviews and exams, but then in my thirties that all changed.

The pressures of coping with the death of my parents and moving from Kettering to Portsmouth proved too much for me. Of course, I didn’t know or suspect that the person living this new life was someone who was a member of the neurodivergent community.

Was it autistic burnout or a meltdown, I can’t say for sure. I do know that feelings had been bottled up and I hadn’t had the chance to properly grieve the loss of my parents. I knew someone who had self-harmed and I guess the idea got into my head as some kind of solution, boy was that ever a wrong decision.

I didn’t do it for sympathy nor was it a desperate call for help, but I did need some. Initially, I hid my wounds and only when I got an infection did I seek help and finally seek medical help. The crisis continued for several months and I nearly ended up in hospital. Somehow I won the battle and stopped, but it’s an addiction just like being an alcoholic.

The problem has returned several times since then, especially in 2012. I found mental and physical ways of hurting myself. Smashing my favourite Dr Who mug and tearing up some wrestling magazines but there were physical attacks too.

2016 was a tough year in which I ran away from Southampton on a whim and ended up in Brighton. There I was overworking and then I went on a three-day golfing holiday. That tipped me over the edge and the self-harming returned with a vengeance.

This time I did seek help and eventually I did recover. Again, I tried hard to keep what I was doing a secret and it did lead to two very awkward incidents. One Saturday afternoon I was in real trouble as my self-harming had led to an infection that needed to be treated immediately. I went to a drop-in clinic as I didn’t realise how bad the situation was. The moment I mentioned to the nurse that my injuries had been self-inflicted, her tone changed.

I found myself being told I needed to go to A&E for treatment. However, they wouldn’t let me leave until someone came to take me to the hospital. I did have a horrible feeling I might be sectioned. Cue hours in A&E to receive the treatment and then they just let me go home so I could do it all over again.

Bandaged up, I went to a quiz night the following evening. Someone said to me when they saw the bandages ‘have you been self-harming again Steve?’  His idea of a joke and he had no idea what I had been doing. I left pretty soon after that, but it illustrates the problems that can happen when you keep your mental health problems to yourself.

It happened about a week later when I was asked to model a T-shirt. How could I do that when my arm was all bandaged up?  Again, they had no idea what was going on and some cruel jokes were made. I actually got sent to a nearby shop to buy some knives to help with the buffet!!!

I went over eight years without self-harming until an incident in April of this year when I was struggling to cope with the news that I might be autistic. I found new ways of self-harming, again I'm not telling you what I did.

I hate the fact that I have self-harmed in the past. It is likely to happen again sometime in the future, but I think it’s important that I know it’s just not the solution. 

S&L Self Harming Distraction Kits by founder Sally Panks





What if, in someone’s darkest moment, there was something they could reach for instead of hurting themselves?

That question is at the heart of Sally Panks’ work.

Sally is the founder of S&L Self-Harm Distraction Kits®, a not-for-profit organisation supporting children, young people and adults who struggle with self-harm.

Her journey began through her own experience of supporting her daughter, who started self-harming at a young age. Sally discovered just how few practical, age-appropriate resources existed to help someone through the overwhelming feelings and urges that can lead to self-harm. Rather than accepting that gap, she decided to do something about it.

S&L’s kits use a simple Delay and Replace approach. They contain carefully selected sensory, creative and calming distraction tools, alongside basic first-aid supplies, information and signposting to further support. They are not about telling someone to simply “stop” self-harming. Instead, they provide something tangible to reach for when an urge becomes overwhelming – helping the individual delay the behaviour, ride out the intensity of the moment and begin developing alternative coping strategies.

This is particularly important within the neurodivergent community, where self-harm is sadly common. Some research suggests that around 50% of neurodivergent individuals may experience self-harm, highlighting the need for accessible and neurodivergent-friendly support.

Sally is passionate about early intervention, particularly in schools, and believes that people who self-harm need compassion, understanding and practical support – not judgement or shame.

Her mission is simple: to make sure that when someone is struggling, they have something safe, practical and reassuring within reach.

“You don’t have to understand someone’s pain to help them through it.”

You Alright Mate?





Last month saw me attend the launch of the Brighton branch of the Mental Health and Wellbeing Network. One of the speakers was Sam Thomas, founder of Different Hats. He gave an emotional and inspiring speech and I hope to write more about him in our upcoming mental health special.

He talked about the struggles he’s had in his life and was wearing a T-Shirt that had on it just three very important words:  “You alright mate.”  As Sam says, they are: “Three words that can change everything.”  I totally agree,  there are times I wish people had said that to me when I was going through a tough time. 

The ‘You Alright Mate?” campaign began when Sam “saw what happens when men do not check in with themselves or each other.”  A frightening statistic is that  75% of suicides in the UK are male. Sam says: “That is not an abstract statistic. It is personal.”

Sam also spoke about what success means to someone. Is it just loads of money or are there other ways in which success can be achieved?  Trying to earn a fortune (he admitted to being a kind of Del Boy at one time), is all good and well, but then burnout and disconnection rear their ugly heads. 

He takes the ‘You Alright Mate?” masterclass into workplaces and schools. It changes how “people think about success, vulnerability and connection.” As he writes: “Because being vulnerable is not weakness. It is strength. And asking "you alright mate?" can save lives.   Listen to Sam chatting online at this link.

Finding Community at the Intersection of LGBTQ+ Identity and Neurodiversity by Peter Golder, Counselling Service Manager, MindOut

                                        



The LGBTQ+ community is all about diversity, comprising a multitude of gender, sexual and relationship identities. People may identify as transgender, cisgender, agender or genderfluid; as gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual; and may be in monogamous or polyamorous relationships. This acceptance and appreciation of difference can feel liberating for people who have grown up in a largely cisgender and heteronormative world that does not reflect who they are.

This may be one reason why many neurodivergent people report feeling more accepted in queer spaces. Research suggests that LGBTQ+ identities and neurodivergence often overlap more frequently than would be expected by chance alone, particularly in relation to autism, ADHD and gender diversity. However, the sense of belonging many people experience is likely about more than statistics.

Compared with many mainstream environments, LGBTQ+ communities often place less emphasis on social conformity and traditional expectations. This can create greater freedom for self-expression and openness around identity. For neurodivergent people, who may have spent years masking aspects of themselves to fit in, finding spaces where difference is expected rather than questioned can be profoundly validating.

The relatively high visibility of neurodivergent people within LGBTQ+ communities can also help to normalise neurodiversity, much as LGBTQ+ identities are normalised within queer spaces.

Seeing others with similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and foster a sense of connection and understanding.

This can have significant benefits for mental health. Feeling accepted by a community allows people to relax, present themselves more authentically, and share experiences of navigating the world with the identities they hold. For many LGBTQ+ neurodivergent people, finding community is not simply about social connection; it is about finding a place where they can be fully themselves.

Living authentically is essential. We live in a world that does not always understand difference and diversity, and this can lead people to hide or mask who they are. This happens to both LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent people. The mental cost of this can be understood through the concept of minority stress. Experiences of prejudice and discrimination, fear of rejection, and the pressure to conceal aspects of ourselves can all take a significant toll on mental wellbeing.

Minority stress can affect how we see ourselves. When we repeatedly receive messages that we are different, unwelcome or somehow "wrong", it can lead to shame, self-judgement and a loss of self-worth. The impact is profound. We begin to carry external prejudice internally, paying a heavy psychological price simply for being who we are.

 As an autistic person who received a diagnosis later in life, I found it particularly emotional to recognise that I had spent much of my younger life masking not only my sexuality, but also my autism. Without that understanding, I struggled to make sense of some of my experiences and the challenges I faced. I focused on my sexuality as the reason I felt different, never considering that being autistic might also be shaping my experience of the world. With little awareness of neurodiversity in the 1980s and 1990s, and feeling unsafe to talk about my sexuality, my mental health was negatively impacted.

In later life, I, like many others in the LGBTQ+ community, found a chosen family. These are the people who affirm who we are and help us develop a positive sense of self. The same can be said for neurodivergent people who find understanding, connection and belonging with other neurodivergent people, often outside traditional social structures. 

Whether through LGBTQ+ communities, neurodivergent communities, or spaces where both identities intersect, finding people who accept us as we are can be transformative. It reminds us that difference is not something to overcome, but something that can be understood, valued and celebrated. In a world that often encourages people to fit in, these communities show us the power of belonging exactly as we are.  

MindOut is a mental health service run by and for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and queer (LGBTQ) people. We work to improve the mental health and wellbeing of all LGBTQ communities and to make mental health a community concern.

They provide safe, inclusive, and confidential support for LGBTQ people through advocacy (Brighton & Hove only), peer support groups, online live chat, telephone befriending and low cost counselling. For more information go to their website, call 0300 772 9855 or email info@mindout.org.uk

Quote...Unquote


Imagine the stress and pressure that is placed on those trying to be successful in sport. Below we have some quotes from people in the sporting world about mental health.


Viktor Axelsen (badminton) : "A lot of people don’t come forward and don’t see it or they think that it is a thing where they need to hide it. But I think you don’t have to hide anything about it. It is important."

Ronnie O’Sullivan  (snooker) : "It's not something I can predict or control, but I try to manage it as best I can. I just can't get my cue out when I feel like this and think this is what's best for me right now.

Michael Phelps (swimmer) : "If someone wants to call me weak for asking for help that's their problem. Because I'm saving my own life."

Kevin Love (basketball) : "Mental health is an invisible thing but it touches all of us at some point or another. Its part of life."

Naomi Osaka  (tennis) : "It's ok not to be ok."

Simone Biles (gymnast): "I say put mental health first. Because if you don't then you’re not going to enjoy your sport and you’re not going to succeed as much as you want to." 

Mardy Fish (tennis): “It’s OK not to be OK. To show weakness, we’re told in sports, is to deserve shame. But showing weakness, addressing your mental health, is strength.”

Tyson Fury (boxer):  "If I can come back from it then anybody else can. I’m no special person, just a human being made of blood and bone. If mental health can bring somebody as big and as strong as me to my knees, then it can bring anybody to the knees.”



Looking After Our Energy in a Busy World by Nina Durtnall from Calm Journey Therapy



Life can feel wonderfully full — work, family, friendships, commitments, messages, errands and the constant stream of information coming at us. But when we are always “on”, our minds and bodies can struggle to find the space to reset.

Looking after our mental health doesn’t always have to mean making huge changes. Sometimes it begins with noticing our own energy and asking: How am I actually doing today? What do I need?

Our nervous system is constantly responding to what is happening around us. When life feels rushed or overwhelming, we may find ourselves stuck in a state of tension without even realising it. Taking small moments to slow down can help signal to our body that we are safe enough to pause.

That might mean stepping outside for five minutes, taking a few slower breaths, putting our phone away while we eat, having a quiet cup of tea, moving our body, getting enough sleep, or simply saying “no” to something when our plate is already full.

Self-care isn’t about creating a perfect morning routine or adding another thing to our to-do list. Sometimes self-care is doing less.

Perhaps this week, rather than asking yourself, “What else do I need to achieve?”, try asking, “What would help me feel a little more settled?”

Small moments of care, repeated regularly, can make a meaningful difference. We don’t have to wait until we are completely exhausted before we start looking after ourselves.

Our energy is precious. It deserves our attention too.


Autistic Burnout: Understanding What It Is and How to Support Recovery By Jason Bennett, Specialist Intervention Advisor, and Reece Hawkins, Specialist Youth Engagement Worker at Aspens






If your child is suddenly struggling more than usual, refusing school, shutting down after small demands, or seeking more time alone, it may be more than ‘stress’. Many families recognise these as signs of autistic burnout: a deep depletion across energy, thinking and emotions that can follow long periods of trying very hard.

In this post we offer a clear explanation and practical, neuroaffirming strategies you can use, alongside insights from lived experience.

Dwayne, supported by Aspens, says that in his experience, he "realised being tired and barely coping are two completely different things.”

What is autistic burnout?

Autistic burnout is a state of profound physical, cognitive and emotional exhaustion that builds over time, often after prolonged demands, masking (hiding or compensating for autistic traits), sensory overload and change. It isn’t a personal failure, it’s a human response to chronic pressure in environments not designed with autistic needs in mind. Intersectional factors (e.g., co‑occurring conditions, identity, access to support) can add to this load.

During burnout, everyday tasks can feel temporarily inaccessible, and things that once felt manageable may be harder. Recovery is possible and is most effective when paced, supported and led by the person’s needs.

Myths vs Reality

Myth: Burnout is just being tired.

Reality: It’s a persistent depletion that affects energy, thinking and emotions.

Myth: Burnout only happens to adults.

Reality: Children, teens and adults can experience it, especially during transitions or rising demands.

Myth: A short rest will fix it.

Reality: Rest helps, but recovery usually needs reduced demands, sensory support and time.

Myth: Burnout means someone isn’t trying.

Reality: It often follows long periods of trying very hard. 

How burnout can show up

Burnout varies person to person, but common patterns affect energy, thinking and emotions

Energy / physical

Extreme fatigue; greater need for downtime

Heightened sensory sensitivities

Everyday tasks feel heavier than usual

Thinking / cognitive

“Brain fog”, slower processing, reduced focus

Planning and organising feel harder

Temporarily reduced access to usual skills

Emotions / behaviour

Feeling overwhelmed more easily; irritability

Withdrawing or needing more time alone

Increased anxiety; stronger need for predictability and control

Sometimes capacity reduces so much that daily functioning is significantly impacted; other times, people keep going “on the surface” but at a high cost, with less capacity to cope. If there’s any risk to safety, please seek urgent support.

We asked Dwayne what overwhelm was like for him at school, work and at home, and what helped him feel safe.

Dwayne shared: “Overwhelm showed up when I kicked off and smashed things in the house, but later was able to stop doing this because of the support I got from Aspens. Turning 18 also gave me a voice and rights, so I no longer felt the need to kick off, as I had more rights and support.”

Burnout across the lifespan (young people and adults)
Young people may experience burnout at the end of school terms, during exams or when routines change. Signs include difficulty engaging with demands, shutting down, leaving class to seek safety, or increased overwhelm. Helpful supports include reduced demands, predictable routines, quiet space to regulate and removing known triggers.

Autistic adults can experience burnout due to workload, meetings and social demands, masking to fit in, commuting, parenting and life changes. Late‑identified adults may feel additional fatigue from years of compensating. Workplaces can help by adjusting expectations, providing sensory‑friendly options (lighting, noise), enabling flexible working and respecting communication preferences.

Supporting recovery (practical strategies)
We asked Dwayne about the first change that made a difference and how he lowered the load? 

Dwayne said: “When I turned 18, and just before, support from Sussex Police and Aspens made a huge difference to my life in a great way because I don’t put so much pressure on myself and I am able to be more vocal when there are a lot of sensory triggers.”

Recovery is rarely instant. It’s usually gradual, needs‑led and most effective when the person has control over pace and priorities.

For autistic people (self‑support)
Lower the load: Prioritise essentials; defer or delegate.

Protect regulation time: Quiet space, movement, stimming, special interests.

Adapt the environment: Reduce sensory intensity (lighting, noise, visuals).

Reduce masking where safe: Easing masking can protect energy.

Gentle routines: Sleep, nutrition, hydration, pacing.

Boundaries: Limit high‑drain social time; choose low‑demand connection.

For parents and carers

Co‑regulation and presence: Be with the child/young person and respond to needs.

Reduce expectations: Pause non‑essentials; simplify language and choices.

Follow their lead: Let them choose how to regulate; offer predictable options.

Co‑create a “care plan”: Agree cues, supports and ways to communicate overwhelm.

Remove triggers where possible: Adjust schedules, transitions and environments.

For professionals (education, health, support)

Reduce demands and adjust timetables: Especially in high‑demand periods.

Personalised sensory support plan (sometimes called a “sensory diet”).

Clear visual supports: Timetables, task breakdowns, feelings scales.

Passports and consistent communication: Share needs and strategies across staff.

For employers and colleagues
Flexible working: Remote/hybrid options; predictable meetings.

Sensory‑friendly environments: Lighting, noise, seating.

Communication clarity: Agendas in advance; written next steps; fewer back‑to‑back meetings.

Outcome‑focused management: Trust and autonomy over how work is done.

 Voice of lived experience

Dwayne shared, “I usually recover from burnout when I have my own space; it also helps when I talk to my partner and friends. Quiet time lets me think clearly. Listening to music or going for a walk helps, too. Having someone listen and taking small breaks when I feel overwhelmed are important strategies I use to recover. I would tell anyone in a similar situation that this isn't forever and to try and stick through it, because life will get better. If you don't ask the right people, you're less likely to achieve what you want as fast.”

Resources we like

Books

Stop the World I Want to Get Off - Jodie Clarke

Neurodiversity For Dummies - John Marble, Khushboo Chabria, Ranga Jayaraman

Self‑Regulation Skills Workbook for Kids - Mary C. Norris

Websites

National Autistic Society; Reframing Autism; Neurodivergent Insights; Autism Parenting Magazine

Podcasts

The Autism Podcast; Autism Dadcast; Aspens Connections Podcast

If you would like support for a young person with burnout get in touch by emailing us at specialistsupport@aspens.org.uk  

Aspens provides high-quality, person-centred support to autistic individuals, and with people with a learning disability, and their families, across the South-East. Find out more here: Aspens Charities.

The Diagnosis Den


Choosing the right ADHD Assessment Provider for you by Lukas Dressler


Navigating the private healthcare sector for an ADHD assessment can be confusing. This blog post aims to provide clear information about ADHD, the assessment process, and what to look for when choosing a provider.  

What is ADHD? 

ADHD stands for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, though this is not a very good description of what actually goes on. It is more accurate to describe ADHD as a difficulty or difference in regulating attention, focus, activity levels, and impulses, including emotional regulation. There are three presentations: 

Predominantly inattentive: Difficulty with focus, forgetfulness, losing things, distractibility, and diffficulty starting or finishing tasks.

Combined: Features of both presentations 

ADHD is considered a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning symptoms should be present from early childhood, though they may look different at various life stages. Symptoms are influenced by environment, demands, and available support. 
 

 Who Can Diagnose ADHD?

Only a psychologist or psychiatrist (or teams working under their supervision) can provide a formal ADHD diagnosis that will be accepted across services. Other professionals such as ADHD coaches or nurses cannot provide formal diagnoses, and assessments conducted by such individuals may be rejected by the NHS.Psychologists are trained in psychological development, behaviour, cognition, and mental health. 

Their assessments explore ADHD within the wider context of the person, including developmental history, emotional wellbeing, behaviour, relationships, and environment. Following diagnosis, psychologists can provide psychoeducation, ADHD coaching, or therapy. 

Psychiatrists are medically qualified doctors who have specialised in psychiatry. Their assessments are medically driven, focusing on symptoms and diagnostic criteria. Following diagnosis, psychiatrists can assess suitability for and prescribe ADHD medication. 

What Does a Robust ADHD Assessment Include?  

A thorough assessment should include:

A clinical interview exploring symptoms, their presentation across different settings, fluctuations in intensity, and the impact on functioning. 

Developmental history to establish that symptoms were present before age 12. 

Rating scales across multiple settings (home, school, work, spare time) for example including the SNAP, ASRS, SDQ, and/or RCADS. 

QbCheck (computerised objective measure of activity, impulsivity, and inattention) – this is optional per NICE guidelines but adds objective data to the assessment. 

Consideration of differential diagnoses including anxiety, depression, thyroid dysfunction, Lyme disease, PANDAS, and processing differences such as dyslexia. 

The Assessment Process at Lukas Dressler Psychology  

The assessment is split into two stages to minimise the time until appropriate support becomes available.

Stage 1: Screening – initial paperwork is completed, a clinical interview and Qb Check are conducted, and immediate feedback is provided on whether ADHD diagnostic criteria are likely met. 

Stage 2: Diagnostic assessment – further questionnaires are gathered across different settings, the clinical interview is extended with particular focus on developmental history, and a detailed diagnostic report is finalised. 

Support Following Diagnosis 

In line with NICE guidelines, support should be tailored to individual needs and circumstances: 

Environmental adjustments including practical recommendations for routines and suggestions for teachers. 

Information for parents or carers about supporting a child with ADHD at home and advocating in educational settings. 

Individual ADHD coaching or therapy focusing on understanding how ADHD presents, revision strategies, concentration and motivation regulation, and emotional regulation. 

Medication can be considered and is prescribed by a psychiatrist. 

Questions to Ask When Choosing an Assessment Provider 

Who carries out the assessment? Ensure they are a qualified professional who can provide a formal diagnosis accepted across services. 

What does the assessment include? Ensure it includes a clinical interview, developmental history, rating scales across settings, and consideration of differential diagnoses. 

What happens after the assessment? Ensure appropriate support is available or signposting is provided. 

A formal ADHD diagnosis can be incredibly helpful, but receiving a diagnosis without appropriate support can be more harmful than helpful. It is essential to choose a provider who offers comprehensive assessment and ongoing support.   

Lukas Dressler Psychology is based in Brighton and "offers therapy for children and teenagers, specialising in ADHD and autism, as well as depression and anxiety. He offers in person and online private ADHD assessments for children & adults, and Gender Exploration and Transition Support for those struggling with gender dysphoria or exploring their gender identity. He is HCPC,  BPS, BAGIS & WPATH registered.

Free session

A free online ADHD Assessment Information Session is being held on Tuesday October 27 from 5.3pm to 6.30pm.  

The session will cover ADHD assessments, who can diagnose ADHD, what to look for in a thorough assessment, and some of the things to consider when choosing an assessment provider. There will also be time for questions at the end.

It takes place on Microsoft Teams

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